Our culture is the main reason why most women will prefer to die in an unhappy and abusive relationship rather than leave.
People don’t see anything you do as normal anymore once you are separated or divorced.
To them all your actions has a motive.
When you are nice and always smiling to people, that means you are craving for their attention.
Being nice to the opposite sex is really a big crime because that means you are flirting.
You can’t afford to be snobbish as well. They say that’s why you can’t make a home or the separation is taking a toll on you.
You are the fashionista type, it means you are not ashamed of your situation and dressing to impress.
You decide to dress in fading clothes, 3 size above your figure. They say that’s why your ex left you because you don’t follow the trend.
Some irresponsible men see you as a free meal to lunch on anytime. Thinking they are doing you a favour offering to have sex with you.
To them you should be grateful that at least someone wants to help water the plant so it doesn’t dry off. Lol.
When you say no to their advances, they try to blackmail you.
Some of your friends take slightest opportunity to spite you because of your situation.
If you are friends with married women, your motive is to break their home so you are at same level.
You opt to go out with single girlfriends like you, it means you are forming a prostitute club.
You have a job that at least pay your bills and can afford bit of extra stuffs and very independent, you are taken as being proud and arrogant.
That’s why you are not submissive to your ex, without them knowing a bit of what caused the separation.
You ask for people’s help. You get answers like why didn’t you keep your ex and be of help at a time like this.
You are the out going out ype, that loves to party and dance, they take you as the loose type.
You are not the party type, that means you are a sadist and you are not happy celebrating others.
The lists are endless.
The only time people believe you are normal is when you allow your abusive partner to turn you in to a psychiatry patient.
When you let him turn you into a punching bag.
When you allow him to call you unbearable names, when you are beaten blue black and lied that you had falls.
Verbal, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual and physical abuse and infidelity. All these and more, you must endure to be seen as “normal” and have a “Mrs” prefix.
Put on the “everything is perfect” face to the public even when you are dying inside.
Until people support each other going through this.
Until women help their fellow women to heal through this phase so they can have the courage to love again.
Love is beautiful.
Until people acknowledge the fact that no woman ever goes into marriage with a plan of quitting in some years, we all dream of happily ever after.
That woman you see being on her own today didn’t wake up one day to make that decision.
She has prayed, fasted, begged, submissive, been a fool, tried all she could to make the marriage work but she has to choose between two evils:
Dying a miserable life in the relationship or facing the unending stigma from the society.
Not everyone has the courage to live with being treated as an outcast among her people.
So they keep staying in it and sometimes die in it.
It’s sad though.
Ann Mossley is regular woman who is trying to live a legacy that will outlive her. Ann has taken it upon herself to help share the real stories of the silent women in the society. If you want her to share your story on the platform, send it to: [email protected]